Without further ado...
Top 10 High School English Teacher Rants
10. I'm noticing that students at the school where I teach have absolutely no concept of the difference between Mrs., Ms., and Miss. I am a "Miss." I'm ok with that. I'm not married yet. I plan to be so someday, but, for now, I'm ok with the "Miss" thing. What I can't stand is someone calling me "Mrs. S______." "Mrs. S______" is my mother, my aunt, and my paternal grandmother's name. I am not married to a person with that last name - that would be icky. For those who are the mysterious "Ms.," I don't quite know how to define that, but you confuse high school students everywhere! Are you a "Miss" or a "Mrs."? Pick one! Make life easier!
9. This is just common courtesy... If you run into someone, your mother/father/stepsomething/guardian should have taught you to say "Excuse me" even if perhaps it wasn't your fault. It doesn't matter. If none of those people did that, I'm teaching you now.
8. Moo! High school students must assume that they should be ready to make out with the boy/girl of their dreams at any moment of the day, because they walk around chewing their cud, er, gum like there's no tomorrow. I don't mind a little gum. It makes the world a more fragrant place. What I do mind is the constant jaw motion and smacking noises. When will girls realize they do indeed, like, oh my god, like, look like cows? Perhaps they're hoping to mask the poor oral reading skills that seem to have taken over like the plague.
7. A formal paper is not the time to practice internet shorthand. fyi wen i read ur papers i dont want 2 no how fast u typed it b/c wen u do dis it makes u look like u were born w/o a brain. period.
6. APOSTROPHES ARE NOT FOR DECORATION! For the love of GOD, learn where to put them! It's really quite simple. "It's" is a contraction of "it is" and "its" is "it" possessive - meaning "it" possesses something! In the words of Ross in Friends, "Y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e means 'you are.' Y-o-u-r means 'your'!" And, if you haven't paid attention to American popular culture or in your English class, read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Lynne Truss. It's a downright hilarious book on proper punctuation. NO - it's not boring.
5. Commas are a little more difficult, but, just like their hanging cousin the apostrophe, there are some pretty simple rules to aid a writer in their use. Those rules are, naturally, more numerous than can be described here. Again, if you weren't paying attention in English class, maybe you ought to. And if you would like some fun summer reading, again I suggest Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Lynne Truss. SO NOT BORING!
4. Unlike the comma rules, this one is simple. Capitalize the first word of a sentence. Always. Not just when you feel like it. Not just once in a while. All the stinkin' time. DUH!
3. "There," "they're," and "their" are three completely different words. "There" indicates location. "They're" is a contraction (another pesky apostrophe. Gosh darn it those little buggers pop up a lot) of "they are." "Their" is possessive - meaning that "they" possess something.
2. "I don't like reading." Bull. You just haven't found something you like reading. This is more a rant at parents than at the kids. If children are encouraged to read and see that interesting people like to read, they'll read, too. And like it! It improves vocabulary (which is another complete rant not to be discussed here). It improves writing. It improves lives. Hitler burned books - he was afraid of what people might do if they read. Do you want to be like Hitler? Do you want your children to be like Hitler? I didn't think so. So pick up a book.
1. "I don't know." Yes you do! Take a stand! "I don't care." Well, you should. CARE! You are important. Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Yes it's trite, but you are responsible for what you make of your lives and the world around you. Don't you dare blame someone else when you had the opportunity to make a difference.
Whew! Now that I've vented, I think I will sleep soundly tonight.
